David
Walsh Day - The New Holiday For Cycling Fans |
| June
30th - put this date in your diary's. The UCI have seen the
writing on the wall and have been working tirelessly in close
association with many national governments where cycle racing
is popular to have this day instated as a new multi-national
holiday. The reason? As is now traditional, the run up to the
Tour De France sees the annual reappearance by David Walsh (right)
merely touting some book of his about doping in professional
cycling. So tediously predictable is this that long time side
kick Paul Kimmage decided to mark the occasion by having an
annual anniversary where new accusations can be aired for the
first time. The question on many peoples lips is "what
does the day consist of" and "does it mean I get a
day off work?". With that in mind (although the answer
to #2 is of course 'No'), we've set out to give you the info
you need to know. |
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| Speaking
from his luxury mansion in Ireland, Paul Kimmage (left)
took a break from counting his millions to tell us why David
Walsh Day should be celebrated and why cycling has been so bad
to him. "David's work should get the recognition he deserves.
No one has earned so much money from such flimsy accusations.
He's like me, no matter how much hurt and pain professional
cycling has caused us and how no matter how much we want nothing
to do with it - only the type of steely determination displayed
consistently by David can reap such incredible financial rewards
in the face of such sporting evil". |
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| So,
what can we expect on 'David Walsh Day'? Paul Kimmage continues
- "Well, early in the morning, town dignitaries and the
media will assemble outside of David Walsh's luxury waterside
complex on the Cote d' Azure. He'll emerge around 7.00am to
check his mail box and pick up his morning paper. If the back
pages catch his eye with a cycling story, we can expect a month
of endless press conferences at the Tour and a numerous email
exchanges between lawyers. If, however, the newspaper is cycling-free
that morning July will instead see David off to persecute some
other sport like swimming or athletics. Hopefully it'll be the
latter because, to be honest, we just want nothing to do with
cycling and wish it would leave us alone. Now, if you don't
mind, I've got a meeting with my accountant to discuss how I
can halt the tide of cycling-related royalties swamping my bloated
Swiss Bank Account." |
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| Given
the striking resemblance to Groundhog day - a national holiday
in America where a sleepy marmotte gets hauled out of hibernation
and renders the whole meteological industry obsolete, we spoke
to the star of this event - the legend that is Punxsutawney
Phil (Above. The furry thing being manhandled by a bloke
in a top hat). "Me? I'm fu#king furious." spat
the obviously incensed Phil. "I've spent years honing my
act and now this Irish ponce wants to get a piece of my action.
If he thinks Lance Armstrong's lawyers are tough, wait till
he gets a load of mine." |
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